Recently while at my daughters the first baseball game of the season was involved in a conversation between two fathers. I had no idea who these fathers were or who their children were. Just that their boys were on the same team as my daughter. Let me tell me that I am not in gossip, not a drama queen, not interested in drama or in someone else's drama. God knows I've had more than fair sharing and swore to myself years ago that I didn't get there!
So while I watch and listen to my daughter and her team, two fathers come to the bleaching arena where I sit and it is obvious through their interaction that they know each other quite well. It was them and I a few feet away on the bleachers, so there were no other conversations going on to help drown their voices. They started talking about their children and one of them described how lazy and pampered he thought his child was. They talked about how far the children would go to school, and whether they were going, or were they? Then it starts a daddy tearing his wife apart and says that "she makes me drive them to school and pick them up every day, even if the school is just a short walk away. She complains that I'm home does nothing of the day that I will make myself useful and take the children to school at least. I try to explain that they are old enough and that school is not long and it is good that they go and are independent and teach them responsibility. forget something and she tells me that I am useful and takes anything they forgot at school for them. He continues to say "She also contacted me in the shower last night and complained about me sitting around all day and doing nothing. She thinks she is the only parent and what she says goes, no matter what I think. "I think these kids get spoiled and need to learn responsibility, but if I say anything, I'm the bad guy."
That's it, I couldn't take it anymore! I actually looked in their direction and laughed openly and hoped they would see this as a sign that their conversation was overheating and it was not a conversation that should have been overheated. It didn't matter, the only dad didn't stop! I asked myself, "Should I intervene and tell him to be a man and a better father, stand up to his wife and not let her go over him, or should I go and take some deep breath. I later chose.
But seriously this is the problem that two parents have completely different parenting styles. IT DOES NOT WORK! Children play a parent against the other and then there is a good police parent and a bad police parent. When my husband lived, I was put in the bad police category … I hated it, it doesn't work! Parents need to take the "adult" role … Your children need boundaries, responsibilities, have to gain independence and most of all consistency from both parents. We are their role models, they see everything we do and copy what we do. So if this father has any daughters, guess what, they will head their boyfriends or men around and they will definitely wear the pants in the family. This is so wrong, parents are partners. Do what is right for the children you raise. It is about compromise, partnership and respect. Do you want to be in a partnership or dictatorship in a marriage?